live from the guillotine

Fun Times! 1.15.09 Edition

1) Ate lunch with Valentine and Viagra.  Val had a horrifying moment when one of the "clients" she interviewed informed her that baby daddy was currently at the same place, doing the same special forces thang as Cuzzie Will!!  Needless to say, "What is baby daddy's name?" was probably a much more harsh and hysterical question than she'd intended.  As I told Val, "You were just scared you'd have to take the kid home!"

Praise Jesus!  We aren't related to baby daddy and we had a fun lunch.  It's quite fascinating that Val and Viagra have so much seedy, work related knowledge in common.  She in social services and he in pest control, but both scheduling appointments based on the fact that The Price is Right! comes on at 10 a.m. and everyone's home for it in front of the 50" plasma screen.  They hide the weed from Val, but from Viagra, not so much.

2) Not much more in the fun news department, but Viagra relates this story for your entertainment.  He and the pumpkin were working on baseball this afternoon.  Specifically, making sure the ground balls don't get past the pumpkin.  She's 3.  Let me say that again for those who missed it the first time.  She's 3!  She was really doing a good job and Viagra reconsidered letting her play pre-T-Ball this season, at which point she'll be...4.  Barely.  So as she's all excited about it and determined to play, Viagra cautions her, "If you want to play, you can, but you're going to have to work hard." 

And the pumpkin says, "Working hard is not my style.  Slow and steady's my motto, Dad!"

Pictures from Christmas for Cuzzie Shaila

  

I did not take the pictures this Christmas, so we must rely on the pictures Vision took with her new camera.  Two words:  slim pickins! 

Every year we go to the beach at Christmas while visiting Grandma.  I am not a fan of the bundle up and go to the beach in order to freeze to death plan, but the kiddies insist.  Here is a shot of the pumpkin with cuzzies Matthew, Christian, and Bryson in the background:

This is a shot of Vision and Veritas riding to the coast in Veritas' truck.  Note that Veritas is still recovering from her viral pink eye and wearing glasses.  Hopefully they were not speeding down the highway like maniacs when this shot was taken, but it wouldn't surprise me:

 

This is a shot of Mark V (Val's boyfriend), Val, and Willard.  Valentine tells me Mark V reminds her of Willard.  This is becoming more clear the longer we know him.  I'll leave the reader to decide what that means regarding Mark V.  Did I post about Mark V?

The first time Val brought him home to meet the parents, she tried to carefully arrange it so that no one else was home.  Astonishingly, she thought all of us at one time might making him run screaming like his hair was on fire.  Can you even imagine?!?! Through a convergence of incredibly unlucky events, at least according to Valentine, the minute they walked in the back door everyone showed up, even Viagra and Veronica.  As soon as she introduced him, Viagra said, "Did you say Mark?  Mark? Val, have you ever actually gone out with anyone not named Mark?  How many Marks does this make?"

And it was on.  The kiddies started reeling off the list of Mark, Mark, Mark, Marco, which technically counts, and our new Mark was...Mark V.  Yes, we really do call him Mark V.  Except Willard, who calls him Kevin, but that's a whole nother story.

On the bright side, neither she nor we get confused and call him Eddie.  Since he has been back over many times, I guess he appreciates our warped sense of humor.  Much better, I think, to get that information out of the way early in the game.  They always get so touchy when you spring it on 'em later. 

This is another beach shot of Christian, Willard, Viagra, and Tucker playing football.  The boys loved their ping pong ball sling shot guns, by the way.  I got several glares from the adults, but every single boy ran up and gave me a huge hug and thank you Aunt Lana!!!  The most hilarious part of the gun story is the night I passed them out Viagra decided to play a little trick on his cousin Will, known on this blog as my excellent nephew Will. 

Just to make the story clear, MrG and his sister Robin are ten and twelve years older than their little sisters, so there is almost a generation between the oldest cousins and the youngest cousins.  Viagra is 23 and Will is 22.  Their ping pong sling shot cousins are 11, 10, 9, 8, and 5.  Also necessary for clarity, my excellent nephew Will is in the military, special forces.  

So Will, Viagra, and Mark V are outside watching the younger cousins go to war on the front lawn with their newly acquired weapons and as the weapons discharge Viagra starts picking up ping pong balls and putting them in his pocket.  Mark V notices this, but Will is oblivious.  As the ammo runs short, Viagra makes a back room deal with the little guys and the deal is this.  You can have ammo, but your first obligation is to shoot Will in the face.   Kid after kid is running up and shooting Will in the face while Viagra and Mark V are completely unscathed.  Will wonders aloud for approximately 15 minutes why these sweet children are murdering him with ping pong balls and never once attempting to shoot the other two men.  His crazy mad observation skilz will be the brunt of every joke for the rest of the weekend.  At this point, Mark V and Viagra are bleeding through their eyeballs trying not to laugh aloud until six year-old Courtney, the only girl cousin, gives Will the clue.  Probably outta pity.  Hilarity ensues!

Will then begins a counter-offensive by stealing Christian's gun and offers his own deal.  You can have your gun back, but only if you immediately shoot Viagra in the face.  Christian takes his gun and trots over to dutifully shoot Viagra in the face, but he's seriously remorseful about it and reluctant to pull the trigger.  Will, standing right next to Viagra at this point, urges him on by telling him they have a deal and he has to shoot Viagra!  Viagra and Christian listened to Will's explanation and then Viagra tells Christian they had the first deal and it supersedes any subsequent deal that might have been made with Will.  As Viagra and Will both told me, they both about died laughing when the logic of that statement registered in Christian's little head like a light bulb being turned on.  He grinned and immediately turned and shot Will right in the face.  No hesitation at all.  

At that point, Will stole another gun and went to war with Christian.  And every time Christian shot at Will, he hit him right in the face.  Hysterically,  Will couldn't touch the kid, even from two feet, with a fired ping pong ball.  Viagra remarked that he slept much better at night knowing Will was protecting the country.  Just kidding, he said, "Mister special forces is out there getting his ass handed to him by a nine year-old."

MrG said, "And isn't he a weapons specialist?"

When Will and Viagra recounted their war stories later that evening,  we all laughed until we couldn't see straight.

This is a picture of Uncle Wade, Willard, and MrG after an amazing meal at The Boiling Pot.  The Boiling Pot is a place where you order your seafood and they dump the entire meal, plus veggies, right on the table.  Then everyone goes at it like Neanderthals.  It's so messy they tie on a bib when you order, what with the popping off of heads and all, but the food is awesome.  At the end, they bring around the "finger bowls" to facilitate your cleanliness, but there was no way the "finger bowls" would work with that mess.  I asked Vision to snap a pic of the guys with their "finger bowls".  Notice the carnage, tastefully draped with a napkin and MrG with sea critter guts all over his sleeve. 

Fun Times! 1.13.09 Edition

1)  I have a great boss.  He says thank you for everything.  Today he thanked me for working there, doing my job, typing a paper, remembering where his file was, and apologized that he'd asked me to do something as I left early to go to Willard's basketball game.  This happens every day.  He also calls when he goes to Sonic and asks if I want a diet Coke.   

2)  I apologize to Veritas for not talking about fun times yesterday, but when I got home from work, Willard and I watched The Devil Wears Prada.  Yeah, I guess he was feeling like a woman again.  (When Willard was little, by which I mean 10, he went about the house singing Shania Twain's Man, I Feel Like A Woman to the point that it remains a family joke. ) I have come to believe there are two kinds of movie viewers.  The first type watch the  movie as an insular, solitary experience and enjoy it internally.  Or not as the case may be.  The second type must share the movie with everyone in the room.  They nudge each other, make eye contact and grin, grab each other during tense scenes, and are incapable of not having a running commentary  much to the dismay of Type 1.  Type 2's need others to enjoy the movie.  Willard and I are both Type 2 so we had fun.  Type 1's always make fun of Type 2's.  We don't care.

After the movie was over, I realized that my New Year's Resolution to finally watch an entire season of 24 had been jeopardized by the fact that I missed it last night.   Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, Veritas and I rented and marathoned through Season 1 and started Season 2 in an effort to get caught up before Season 3 started, but we got busy and that's the last I saw of Jack Bauer.   (He's losing hair which I guess means he's aged rapidly like much of the intelligence community in the past few years. )

So I turned on the TV in the bedroom hoping they'd re-run last night's episode.  This led to much confusion as I didn't realize it was a two night special, but since I'd caught the mini-drama in December, I at least knew there was a chick president, Jack had been drug back to D.C. from Africa, and why Roger was dead.  I watched it trying to puzzle it out, attempted to have a Type 2 moment with my Type 1 husband who promptly went to sleep blissfully unconcerned that CTU had been disbanded and Tony Almeda had risen from the dead.  Given my complete and utter dedication to the show, it's a miracle I even knew who Tony Almeda was/is.  After all that trouble, I googled the entire two episodes up on the internet and am finally up to speed.  Now if I can just remember which night it comes on next week I'm set!

3)  Willard had a basketball game tonight and it was a doozy.   The other team, A&M Consolidated, was beyond nasty, we had a ref from the Helen Keller School of Ref'ing whose Annie Sullivan never got around to spelling foul into his hand, and Willard spent the first half on the gym floor.  One guy slammed his head into the wall and they didn't call diddly.  It was so bad MrG was stomping down the stands yelling his head off.  He never does that.  It's  my job!  Don't get me started about the kid that was tripping people.  It was ugly.  My daughter-in-law, Crystal, was so upset at one point she said, "I don't think I can let my kids play sports!  This is horrible!  How can you stand this?", but I think that was just the pregnancy talking. 

We were down three in the 4th quarter with a minute, thirty-seven to play when our point guard, Brandon, takes it up the court and just fires up a seriously long 3 pointer.  Nothing but net, people.  Nothing but net and we are tied!  Then A&M Consolidated got the ball back, shot but missed, and Darius (you may know him on myspace) got the rebound and the driving elbow in the back from A&M which prompted, of all people, Mr. School of the Blind to call a foul with seconds remaining.   Darius, bless his heart, may be the worst free point shooter on our team.  He missed the first shot and A&M called a time out.  Then he approached the free shot line and A&M called another time out.  I guess the coach thought of something else he needed to say.  Darius again lined up on the free shot line and nothing but net, people, nothing but net.  It was excellent!

4)  Highlights:  The pumpkin had bruised herself climbing a tree and was showing Aunt Val, the social worker, at the basketball game.  She then requested Aunt Val  take her home with her so that she could play with Val's new puppy.  I believe I've mentioned the pumpkin's pretty slick.   I asked Val, "Is she asking for a temporary removal here or what?"

The pumpkin also assumes that Granny will buy her things at the concession stand, which of course, Granny will.  Granny handed her a twenty just tonight and said, "whatever you want, but Mommy or Daddy have to go with you. I'm watching the game".  The thing is, no food or drinks are allowed in the gym, which is where she brought her popcorn and drink.  I asked her to sit on the other side of her mother with her contraband as they send food police into the gym to seek out offenders, and that was a mistake.  She talked about the food police for a solid hour.  She asked everyone if they knew about the food police, she found interesting places to hide from the food police (behind me and under my feet) while shouting about them to the entire crowd, she explained to Pappy about the food police in case he missed it (Type 1, of course he did), and finally announced, "The Kitty can't wait to try out her new hiding places from the food police."

Then she became the food police by pointing out everyone in the crowd that had the nerve to have food while being inside the gym.  She's fairly relentless but highly entertaining.  Also miffed when we started calling her the food police.

When Brandon went to make his 3 pointer there at the end of the game, the entire crowd stood and lost it's collective mind, which included Val, who forgot the pumpkin was standing between her legs yapping about the food police.  The pumpkin, bowled completely over by Val's jump up to cheer, landed on the the seat beneath Val's legs, looked straight up at her favorite aunt who has a puppy, and in Val's words, "She was mortified."  Must run in the family.  I asked Val if we should call in a report.  Got a glare.   After all, she's got the trump puppy.

Willard's coach is still driving me crazy, some, but he did a pretty darn good job tonight.  As Willard has advised me that he's young and inexperienced and I should be very nice to him, I will try.  And isn't that sweet?  Willard protecting his basketball coach from his mother.  I only have three words for Willard's coach tonight...Put Ray In!!!

Okay, I lied.  Ray will triumph on the court or he probably won't make it.  Yes, he's been out because he was fighting in school, but he clawed his way back unlike the quitters who just threw in towel what with the rules and the bench time.  He kept on.  Give him credit for that!  He's back through sheer grit and the five minutes you let him play...he was glorious.  He was trying to prove something to everyone tonight, coach, and he did.  In spades.  He's an excellent basketball player.  Use it and channel all that drive to the game.  The T was crap.  Defend your players on the court and they will make you proud.  

5)  Vision cheered this evening for the JV, but her game did not go so well.  She, however did an excellent job cheering them on to defeat!  At least our coach isn't a quitter.  This week.

Fun Times! 1.10.09 Edition

1)  In excellent news, my daughter-in-law's Mom is doing significantly better today after major surgery this week.  She had two very bad days on Thursday and Friday, but today is better.  Keep her in your prayers as she's still in a great deal of pain.

2)  The pumpkin was over this afternoon while her Mommy was at the hospital.  I was reading a book and she wanted me to read it to her.  As I was dubious that Ann Coulter's new book would hold her interest, combined with the fact that she was fascinated by the very large capital letters at the start of each chapter, we went through the book looking for the BIG letters, identified them, and made their sounds. 

Every opening chapter page is now decorated with smeary little nacho cheese doritos fingerprints, as Granny and the pumpkin love their nacho cheese doritos.  MrG's entire side of the bed is littered with nacho cheese doritos crumbs, curtesy of the pumpkin, but let's just keep that part to ourselves.  She was particularly concerned to find out if the BIG letters were in her name, happily many were, and also enjoyed my sounding out of the letter S, which looks like a snake and says, "Ssssssssssss".  Again, happily, there were several hissing chapters.  Hey, it's Ann Coulter.  After we went through the entire book, literally chapter by chapter, I closed it and said, "That's all there is baby."

And she said, "Read it again, Granny!"

Educating the young.  I do my part.

Fun Times! 1.9.08 Edition

Not many fun times to write about this week and since Veritas left on Wednesday afternoon I didn't know an update would be urgently required in little more than 48 hours.  Apparently this blog is like oxygen for some people.  Oh wait, the proper analogy would be water.  3 days and all that.

1)  Willard had a basketball game tonight and Vision cheered for the girls JV, so I went to Vision's game and MrG went to see Willard.  It sounds like I got the better end of the deal as I'm not about to suffer a coronary over the loss.   MrG, not so much.  Or as he put it, "Those boys played their hearts out and that coach yanked the rug right out from under them."

Apparently, we were on our way to winning big with no press and zone defense, when the coach suddenly decided we needed to start running the press with a 13 point lead and switch to man.   The opposing team caught up and then surpassed us while our coach, after finally latching on to the losing strategy, clung doggedly to it no matter the cost.

Which pretty much sums up the entire athletic program at our children's high school.  Everyone has heard that old saw about insanity being defined as doing the same thing over and over expected a different result?  Well our coaching staff, football and now basketball, is obviously insane. Their working theory seems to be, "This isn't working AT ALL!!  Let's do it again!  Yeah!  That's the ticket!" 

Thus the predictable results.  It's really bizarre.  I didn't mention baseball, but last year's long time winning baseball coach "resigned" and I fully expect that the baseball staff will be brought firmly into line with the losing theme.  My guess is the baseball coach, used to er, winning, just couldn't get with the program.  Imagine!

I watched the JV cheer team.  As they had no competition, they won the spirit stick handily.  Again this week.  I did get a chuckle over a conversation during the game.  I was talking to a couple of ladies at the game and one mentioned the head basketball coach had, like 4 or 5 children.  Can you even believe that?  What was she thinking?!?!

2)  In the mail:  Amber McCurrin sends excellent news of the grand opening of her new shop, blonde salon & spa.  I'm so proud for her and I hope she makes a great success of it.  Plus, her card is really way cool.

3)  The little convenience store on the corner, Red's, has reopened and we were very excited what with the hellish, three block grind to the H.E.B. grocery store.  At first there was that one guy who was there all the time.  He was incredibly chatty in the way of new businesses, but I think he kinda stomped on some marketing and etiquette rules when he started wolf whistling when I came through the door.  If the kiddies wanted a Dr. Pepper they'd say, "Let's go see your boyfriend!"

At one point, I got out of the suburban, walked toward the door, and as he was standing outside he made a bit of a move to embrace me as if he was so thrilled I was back!  I opened the door in his face, but still.  On that trip, Vision stayed in the car, but sent me a text while I was at the checkout, "Hurry!  Before he makes a move!"

He has been replaced by what I assume to be the owners.  Good call!  However, I am now double teamed every time I walk in the door.  To say that their willingness to be helpful is extreme would not be enough.  They're like convenience store stalkers and let's face it, it's a small store.  I would imagine if I dropped something, they would both rush over and in some comedic, out of hand situation, manage to fling me across the store into the coolers in order to pick the object up before I could be troubled with it.  The dude rang me up that first day while his wife was standing at my shoulder ready to address any need or concern, read my debit card, and announced, "LANA!  I will remember you next time!"

And darned if he didn't.  When I walked in tonight with Vision, he gave me a hearty shout, "LANA!!!  How was work today?  This is your sister??"  *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

I know Veritas will say it's the "face thing".  It has happened all my life and what I remember in the early years involves my mother and she has it too.  Veritas is plagued with it as well, but it serves Valentine quite nicely in her line of work, investigating, so I'm sure she sees it as a bonus.  As Viagra is in sales of a sort, I'm sure he feels it's a plus as well. 

I don't understand the "face thing", but in practical terms it means strangers we meet will single us out as the person they must bond with immediately.  And by bond, I mean they are sometimes compelled to share every single detail of their lives, up to and included things they shouldn't even be telling their closest friends.  No matter what they actually say, they are convinced that we just absolutely must be dying to chat at length with a complete stranger.  And chat they do!

It happened to me again today at Sam's.  I was looking at a shirt and a woman I had not previously noticed grabbed my arm and said, "Are you looking for a party outfit?  They had some really great deals at Macys!  Those shirts were cute and they were marked down to ten dollars."

I said I wasn't really looking for a party outfit, I was just browsing and she ran down the list of items marked down at Macys, with pricing included, just in case I was in need of something.  Anything.  My own personal Macys infomercial.  This is the "face thing".   For a very long time, I thought everyone was just like that and it was normal.  Then I went on vacation with my sister-in-law and she finally said, "Why does everyone just keep walking up and talking to you?  This never happens to me when you aren't around.  And why does every family assume you're the one who will happily take their group shot for them and listen to  their vacation plans and sites seen for 15 minutes?"

I have no idea, but at our house we call it the "face thing", as in our face must be broadcasting signals we are unaware of, but are enthusiastically picked up by others.
All of that to say, no Veritas, the Red's folks are not the "face thing".  They're just attempting to boost repeat business.   

That lady from Royal Oaks Grocery?  Not so much.  They went out of business while she was telling me all about the problems she was having with that lazy daughter and son-in-law of hers who lived with her.  I knew when the front half of the sign fell off and they never bothered to replace it they were in trouble.  Royal Oak S Grocery is greatly missed by the guillotine family, as the kiddies can no longer chuckle and request a stop at S Grocery.  I hope she's doing okay.

*Ahem* Stripers

It appears my mother and cousin have been laboring under the impression that my little family has been running around Texas participating in stripping tournaments.  In this reading of my little hobby, do the kiddies participate in age appropriate categories or cheer Mom along as she takes it off one more time?  I'm still laughing about this one, but just so that we are all clear, here is what I've been doing this year:

Lana with 2 decent sized stripers. 

Move along, then.  Nothing more to see.

Mortified Times! 12.23.08

The Kitty has learned a new word and she's mortified about everything.  We're weird.  I've said that.  Whaddaya want?

As she described it at Willard's basketball game Monday, she had lost her paws, no where to find the nonexistent appendages, and she was mortified!  Also she said, "I'm just being mopey."  She certainly was.  Since she wasn't paying attention to the game, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with it, but it wasn't the worst adjective we could have used for the game.  I wasn't mortified, but I was most certainly chagrined.  The game was played in the morning and our team looked like they hadn't had a drop of coffee before the game.  They woke up, eventually, but it was way late and they couldn't get 'er done.  Willard's stupid fouls didn't help.

Viagra, Veronica, Vision, Willard, and Kitty went to the Christmas light show last night out at the lake.  When they came back Kitty decided she was spending the night with us.  And by us, apparently she meant me.  In excellent news, I didn't do anything particularly mortifying.  In not so excellent news, she decided she needed to sleep with me.  We might have gotten to sleep around 2 a.m., the details are a bit fuzzy to me, as we had to count down the numbers on the clock, minute by minute, for approximately 2 hours while Kitty said, "Know what Granny?" and patted my cheek and, "I love you Granny!" 

Did I mention I had to go to work this a.m.?  She announced repeatedly that Pappy was snoring, who knew?, then she dozed off, kicked all the blankets off the bed leaving me to freeze,  and proceeded to snore right along with him.  Excellent.   Like I have  ear phones, Kitty on the one side, snoring away, and MrG on the other, sawing logs to beat the band. 

Still, not mortifiying, thank goodness, unless you count my co-workers who observed me coming into work today, sans coffee, after approximately 4 hours sleep.  I'm surprised they didn't leap from their seats and shout, "What happened to you.  You look like death!?!?"

Perhaps they're being nice, since it's Christmas.  I came home for lunch to check on everyone and the Kitty was mortified, yes mortified, that Vision had tossed her on the bed.  It was, "mortifying, not funny, mortifying!"  Whodathunk?   She's certainly determined to claim her new word, isn't she?

I plan to spend this Christmas being less mortified than ever before, but then I think about the ping pong ball sling shot guns and wonder? Nah, I'm going to laugh myself silly.  In amazingly excellent news, MrG's sister, the wooden sword giver, does not allow violent toys in her home.   Best.  Christmas. Ever.  Mortify at will.  I'll take the pictures.

Fun Times! 12.20.08

1)  My daughter made me a myspace page a while back, because the older kids were posting pictures that I wanted to see.  So, my friend's list is all the kiddies, a couple of their friends, Mom, a friend who moved to California, and a lady I went to high school with.  They have this section which showcases "people you may know" so you can add them to your friend's list or get back in touch with them.  However, given my friend's list, it invariably brings up at least two 15 year-old boys and I always know them.  Duh, they're my kids' friends.  At first I laugh because, yeah, Darius used to practically live at my house and dance in  my kitchen...we've met.  But then it also seems amazingly creepy for the app to continually suggest I need to get reacquainted and bond with young boys in high school.  Does myspace think I'm a pervert? 

2)Speaking of young boys and bonding,  Willard requested the 3-9, plus that kid who lives out by the Expo center, plus Peasley spend the night Friday night.  I immediately instructed Vision to find a friend to spend the night with Friday night.  Having 2 children of the opposite sex in high school is a pain in the tush when they want friends over.  So Vision left and the boys arrived and there was peace in land.  Well, the sort of peace in the land you get with 5 boys over, which is technically controlled chaos, but much less chaos than if girls were entered into the equation.

And then the girls showed up.  The boys were outside minding their own business, building a fire in the grill, eating pizza and making smores when Vision dropped by with her posse to pick something up.  MrG said, "Where did all these girls come from?  I can't explain these girls to the boys' parents and now were going to have to watch 'em!"

And I said, "They're not staying!"

They tried, though.  We finally got them all on their way, but not without mishap.  My driveway was packed with cars Friday night and I have a really tricky driveway.  Viagra, who was at the house following Willard's basketball game, rearranged all the cars so the girls could go, but he didn't turn their car around and point it down the drive, forcing the driver to back out of the driveway.  Not good.  She backed over a tree.  Viagra then pulled her car back up the drive and turned it around so that she would have no more trouble leaving, while Willard helpfully ran down the drive to place an orange road cone in front of the tree in question.  He thinks he's so funny.

No, I don't remember why we happen to have orange road cones handy for moments like this.  I think MrG and the kiddies fished them out of the lake and then Veritas couldn't bear to part with them because who knows when you might need an orange road cone?

3)  Veronica, Viagra's wife, was also over on Friday night.  We invited them over to put up the Christmas tree today.  The baby kitty kat was spending the night with her other grandparents Friday night, but she called to tell Veronica goodnight and Veronica just had to share the joyous news that Granny was finally putting up her tree.  I heard Kitty yell on the speaker phone, "Now Granny loves Christmas!!"

4)  Valentine, Vision, and I went shopping today.  We went down to the farmer's market on the square because Val had found the most amazing slingshot guns that fire ping pong balls.  A very long time ago, back before she had children, MrG's sister gave Viagra and my excellent nephew, Will, wooden swords and shields for  Christmas.  They proceeded to hack to pieces themselves, their siblings, their relatives, and Grandma's house. MrG's sister thought it all so amusing.  The boys were about the same age her sons are right now.  Did I mention MrG's other sister has 3 boys?  I bought a ping pong slingshot gun for each and every one of these fine boys.  MrG's family Christmas weekend is going to be insanely amazing.  I LOVE Christmas! 

5)  As you may have guessed, we finally put up the tree this evening.  Veronica brought over Lysol to hose down the living room in case any viral pink eye germs had the gall to linger after Veritas went back to college town.  Kitty helped put all the decorations on the tree and didn't break a single thing.  Vision, not so much.  In any event, the living room is very festive, Baby Jesus from the nativity scene has already been lost and found, but we can't find the stocking wire.  Again this year!  Other than that, Christmas is a GO!

6)  While we were decorating, Willard and Viagra snuck out the back door to play with the slingshot ping pong ball guns.  I guess I should have gotten one for Will too.

Fun Times! 12.17.08

Veritas came home Monday for a 4 day visit, so we've been having all the fun times here.

Monday night MrG and I went to my office Christmas party, so the kiddies stayed home to argue over the TV and computer.  I don't have a report on those fun times, but having been here during them myself on previous occasions,  I'd guess not so much fun and more "there will be blood tonight!" times.  When I got home, Veritas and I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. yacking, which certainly made for amazingly fun times Tuesday morning at work.

Tuesday night, we all attended the basketball game for which Vision cheered.  She did an outstanding job with the chants,  although the basketball team did not do such an amazing job with the actual game.  Still, we're just the cheer parents, so we were, er, cheery!  After arriving home, Veritas announced that she had finished the latest Vince Flynn, watched cable all day, and wondered what else I had to read.  This leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that while away at college she mostly misses cable, the internet, and free books. (Note to self:  She's Just Not That Into You...unless she needs money.)

I planned a big family dinner this evening, all the kiddies over for humorous moments and treasured memories, then finally up, up, up with the Christmas tree as the grand finale.  I planned that last part because when I called Viagra to invite them over he said, "Do you have your tree up yet, Mom?"

"Not yet, but the weekend was complicated."

"You do know, Mom, that Christmas is next week?  Right?"

"Do you want stroganoff or not?"

Veritas called me this afternoon from the doctor's office to inform me she has viral pink eye.  How nice of her to come home and share this lovely, holiday moment with ALL of us.  I was at the hair salon at the time.  Astonishingly, the guest list contracted to those who had no choice but to come home tonight.    Even Vision, who does have to come home at night, yet always manages to bail at the slightest notice,  left at 6 this evening to babysit.  How did she know?

Val came over to pick Vision up for her babysitting gig.  Val was just finishing her makeup touchup in my bathroom, with all my cosmetics of course, including my mascara, when I broke the news about the viral pink eye.  Val looked at the mascara wand like it was a rattler and said, "You KNOW she's used this!  We've all got pink eye!"

I guess she knows, since she's been to college.  She stomped off into the living room to ask exactly what mascara Veritas had been mooching since she'd been home and shouted back, giddy with relief, "Vision!  She's been using yours!  Throw it away!"

But hey!  I look smashing and have approximately 10 helpings of stroganoff ready and willing to sit in the frig until such a time as they mold and have to be thrown out.  And all Veritas' laundry is on my dining room table, what with her being unable to function in any capacity aside from watching cable.  Since she wears contacts and they are also infected with viral pink eye, she borrowed my glasses, which makes me chuckle every time I look at her.  The screw fell out on the one side of the lense a few months ago at the precise moment that MrG was rigging fishing poles in the living room.  This was indeed providential,  because no sooner than I shrieked my dilemma, MrG had my lense rigged right back up in viewing order, sans missing screw, with 12 lb. test line and very tight knots. 

Every time Veritas talks, the line wiggles.  (Note to self:  You're not that funny.  The wiggly fishing line is why everyone has been grinning at you.)

Just as I was about to post this, Willard came in and asked to "check his stuff" on the computer.  He was wearing nothing but a brown, Old Navy hoodie and a lime green towel knotted about his waist.  Did I mention the lime green towel?   I grabbed the camera and said, "Do me a favor, Willard?  Give me one fist pump in the air and yell THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

I tried to take a picture, but he declined.  And when I say he declined I mean he turned this way and that so that the lime green towel could not be seen in any meaningful manner, tried to take the camera away from me (not happening), then ran into his room, screaming like a girl.  I know, because I was chasing him with the camera.  Darn this grindingly slow shutter speed.  (Note to self:  Need new camera!)

That's all the fun for tonight.  My eye is twitching and feels itchy.

And a very, very merry viral pink eye to us all!