Since Congress is now in the business of passing insane, unconstitutional bills like taxing 90% of AIG employees bonuses retroactively, I might as well propose my own insane, unconstitutional bill to make mandatory the showing in prime time of "Leave It To Beaver" episodes that involve Eddie Haskell. These will, of course, preempt March Madness, American Idol, 24, and most especially the Lifetime and WE channels because women voted in droves for our new President and Democrats in general. Thanks gals! You're children and grandchildren will be so proud while they're standing in the soup lines wondering what happened to the American Dream you so carelessly tossed away by voting for these idiots. They promised they'd respect you in the morning, didn't they? Bless your heart.
We've elected Eddie Haskell President of the United States. He's blown Mr. And Mrs. American Cleaver's skirt up with his long, smiley string of BS and they think he's actually a nice, clean kid. (Also, Joe Biden.) In reality, he's a smarmy manipulator who hasn't met a lie he won't tell, a dodge he won't take, or responsibility he won't pass off so long as the fault lies with anyone or everyone but President Eddie.
I've often asked myself, what in the hell was Wally thinking hanging out with this joker? Well Wally is every Republican who kept tiptoeing around the disaster that is President Eddie and his plans, his stimulus, his budget, and his audacity of obsfucation since President Eddie is just so darn popular because he's totally snowed Mom and Dad. What kind of elected official is willing to throw his principals, his judgement, and his character under the bus to suck up to President Eddie and the howling mob he's created? Wally Republicans, or the 98 "my career over my country" House politicians who hide behind the Republican brand, but are scared to tell President Eddie, the Democrats in Congress, and their constituent outrage to shove this unconstituional bill where the sun don't shine. Yes, Eric Cantor and Joe Barton, I'm looking at you.
Which leaves us with the small, but sane Beaver conservatives who never once quit asking about President Eddie, "Can YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?!?!?!"
If you aren't a Beaver conservative you are the problem. You're letting President Eddie get away with his baloney and the entire country will suffer an even more enormous cost than it is already going to suffer now. Stop going along with it already and tell Mr. Cleaver in clear terms exactly what President Eddie is up to. The Beave would do it.
It took Mrs. Cleaver a much longer time to figure out what a gas bag Eddie was and this is why I'm proposing my new bill. If Americans actually see President Eddie in action on "Leave It To Beaver" reruns, they will quickly recognize President Eddie, that they've been had, that Wally is of little use, and they will embrace the Beave.
Gee Willackers, America! President Barack "Eddie Haskell" Obama has no clothes!
If you've read this and have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, isn't it about time you watched a few episodes of "Leave It To Beaver"? I offer this solution to a media driven culture with a 30 minute attention span that has been educated in public schools. Even they can figure out Eddie Haskell.
As a much superior alternative, I'd also recommend reading The Constitution of the United States of America and The Federalist Papers, but hey, your call. Dr. Franklin didn't call it, “A Republic, if you can keep it," because he was pressed for time and forgot to TIVO Battlestar Galactica.