live from the guillotine

*Ahem* Stripers

It appears my mother and cousin have been laboring under the impression that my little family has been running around Texas participating in stripping tournaments.  In this reading of my little hobby, do the kiddies participate in age appropriate categories or cheer Mom along as she takes it off one more time?  I'm still laughing about this one, but just so that we are all clear, here is what I've been doing this year:

Lana with 2 decent sized stripers. 

Move along, then.  Nothing more to see.

Mortified Times! 12.23.08

The Kitty has learned a new word and she's mortified about everything.  We're weird.  I've said that.  Whaddaya want?

As she described it at Willard's basketball game Monday, she had lost her paws, no where to find the nonexistent appendages, and she was mortified!  Also she said, "I'm just being mopey."  She certainly was.  Since she wasn't paying attention to the game, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with it, but it wasn't the worst adjective we could have used for the game.  I wasn't mortified, but I was most certainly chagrined.  The game was played in the morning and our team looked like they hadn't had a drop of coffee before the game.  They woke up, eventually, but it was way late and they couldn't get 'er done.  Willard's stupid fouls didn't help.

Viagra, Veronica, Vision, Willard, and Kitty went to the Christmas light show last night out at the lake.  When they came back Kitty decided she was spending the night with us.  And by us, apparently she meant me.  In excellent news, I didn't do anything particularly mortifying.  In not so excellent news, she decided she needed to sleep with me.  We might have gotten to sleep around 2 a.m., the details are a bit fuzzy to me, as we had to count down the numbers on the clock, minute by minute, for approximately 2 hours while Kitty said, "Know what Granny?" and patted my cheek and, "I love you Granny!" 

Did I mention I had to go to work this a.m.?  She announced repeatedly that Pappy was snoring, who knew?, then she dozed off, kicked all the blankets off the bed leaving me to freeze,  and proceeded to snore right along with him.  Excellent.   Like I have  ear phones, Kitty on the one side, snoring away, and MrG on the other, sawing logs to beat the band. 

Still, not mortifiying, thank goodness, unless you count my co-workers who observed me coming into work today, sans coffee, after approximately 4 hours sleep.  I'm surprised they didn't leap from their seats and shout, "What happened to you.  You look like death!?!?"

Perhaps they're being nice, since it's Christmas.  I came home for lunch to check on everyone and the Kitty was mortified, yes mortified, that Vision had tossed her on the bed.  It was, "mortifying, not funny, mortifying!"  Whodathunk?   She's certainly determined to claim her new word, isn't she?

I plan to spend this Christmas being less mortified than ever before, but then I think about the ping pong ball sling shot guns and wonder? Nah, I'm going to laugh myself silly.  In amazingly excellent news, MrG's sister, the wooden sword giver, does not allow violent toys in her home.   Best.  Christmas. Ever.  Mortify at will.  I'll take the pictures.

Fun Times! 12.20.08

1)  My daughter made me a myspace page a while back, because the older kids were posting pictures that I wanted to see.  So, my friend's list is all the kiddies, a couple of their friends, Mom, a friend who moved to California, and a lady I went to high school with.  They have this section which showcases "people you may know" so you can add them to your friend's list or get back in touch with them.  However, given my friend's list, it invariably brings up at least two 15 year-old boys and I always know them.  Duh, they're my kids' friends.  At first I laugh because, yeah, Darius used to practically live at my house and dance in  my kitchen...we've met.  But then it also seems amazingly creepy for the app to continually suggest I need to get reacquainted and bond with young boys in high school.  Does myspace think I'm a pervert? 

2)Speaking of young boys and bonding,  Willard requested the 3-9, plus that kid who lives out by the Expo center, plus Peasley spend the night Friday night.  I immediately instructed Vision to find a friend to spend the night with Friday night.  Having 2 children of the opposite sex in high school is a pain in the tush when they want friends over.  So Vision left and the boys arrived and there was peace in land.  Well, the sort of peace in the land you get with 5 boys over, which is technically controlled chaos, but much less chaos than if girls were entered into the equation.

And then the girls showed up.  The boys were outside minding their own business, building a fire in the grill, eating pizza and making smores when Vision dropped by with her posse to pick something up.  MrG said, "Where did all these girls come from?  I can't explain these girls to the boys' parents and now were going to have to watch 'em!"

And I said, "They're not staying!"

They tried, though.  We finally got them all on their way, but not without mishap.  My driveway was packed with cars Friday night and I have a really tricky driveway.  Viagra, who was at the house following Willard's basketball game, rearranged all the cars so the girls could go, but he didn't turn their car around and point it down the drive, forcing the driver to back out of the driveway.  Not good.  She backed over a tree.  Viagra then pulled her car back up the drive and turned it around so that she would have no more trouble leaving, while Willard helpfully ran down the drive to place an orange road cone in front of the tree in question.  He thinks he's so funny.

No, I don't remember why we happen to have orange road cones handy for moments like this.  I think MrG and the kiddies fished them out of the lake and then Veritas couldn't bear to part with them because who knows when you might need an orange road cone?

3)  Veronica, Viagra's wife, was also over on Friday night.  We invited them over to put up the Christmas tree today.  The baby kitty kat was spending the night with her other grandparents Friday night, but she called to tell Veronica goodnight and Veronica just had to share the joyous news that Granny was finally putting up her tree.  I heard Kitty yell on the speaker phone, "Now Granny loves Christmas!!"

4)  Valentine, Vision, and I went shopping today.  We went down to the farmer's market on the square because Val had found the most amazing slingshot guns that fire ping pong balls.  A very long time ago, back before she had children, MrG's sister gave Viagra and my excellent nephew, Will, wooden swords and shields for  Christmas.  They proceeded to hack to pieces themselves, their siblings, their relatives, and Grandma's house. MrG's sister thought it all so amusing.  The boys were about the same age her sons are right now.  Did I mention MrG's other sister has 3 boys?  I bought a ping pong slingshot gun for each and every one of these fine boys.  MrG's family Christmas weekend is going to be insanely amazing.  I LOVE Christmas! 

5)  As you may have guessed, we finally put up the tree this evening.  Veronica brought over Lysol to hose down the living room in case any viral pink eye germs had the gall to linger after Veritas went back to college town.  Kitty helped put all the decorations on the tree and didn't break a single thing.  Vision, not so much.  In any event, the living room is very festive, Baby Jesus from the nativity scene has already been lost and found, but we can't find the stocking wire.  Again this year!  Other than that, Christmas is a GO!

6)  While we were decorating, Willard and Viagra snuck out the back door to play with the slingshot ping pong ball guns.  I guess I should have gotten one for Will too.

Fun Times! 12.17.08

Veritas came home Monday for a 4 day visit, so we've been having all the fun times here.

Monday night MrG and I went to my office Christmas party, so the kiddies stayed home to argue over the TV and computer.  I don't have a report on those fun times, but having been here during them myself on previous occasions,  I'd guess not so much fun and more "there will be blood tonight!" times.  When I got home, Veritas and I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. yacking, which certainly made for amazingly fun times Tuesday morning at work.

Tuesday night, we all attended the basketball game for which Vision cheered.  She did an outstanding job with the chants,  although the basketball team did not do such an amazing job with the actual game.  Still, we're just the cheer parents, so we were, er, cheery!  After arriving home, Veritas announced that she had finished the latest Vince Flynn, watched cable all day, and wondered what else I had to read.  This leaves me with the sneaking suspicion that while away at college she mostly misses cable, the internet, and free books. (Note to self:  She's Just Not That Into You...unless she needs money.)

I planned a big family dinner this evening, all the kiddies over for humorous moments and treasured memories, then finally up, up, up with the Christmas tree as the grand finale.  I planned that last part because when I called Viagra to invite them over he said, "Do you have your tree up yet, Mom?"

"Not yet, but the weekend was complicated."

"You do know, Mom, that Christmas is next week?  Right?"

"Do you want stroganoff or not?"

Veritas called me this afternoon from the doctor's office to inform me she has viral pink eye.  How nice of her to come home and share this lovely, holiday moment with ALL of us.  I was at the hair salon at the time.  Astonishingly, the guest list contracted to those who had no choice but to come home tonight.    Even Vision, who does have to come home at night, yet always manages to bail at the slightest notice,  left at 6 this evening to babysit.  How did she know?

Val came over to pick Vision up for her babysitting gig.  Val was just finishing her makeup touchup in my bathroom, with all my cosmetics of course, including my mascara, when I broke the news about the viral pink eye.  Val looked at the mascara wand like it was a rattler and said, "You KNOW she's used this!  We've all got pink eye!"

I guess she knows, since she's been to college.  She stomped off into the living room to ask exactly what mascara Veritas had been mooching since she'd been home and shouted back, giddy with relief, "Vision!  She's been using yours!  Throw it away!"

But hey!  I look smashing and have approximately 10 helpings of stroganoff ready and willing to sit in the frig until such a time as they mold and have to be thrown out.  And all Veritas' laundry is on my dining room table, what with her being unable to function in any capacity aside from watching cable.  Since she wears contacts and they are also infected with viral pink eye, she borrowed my glasses, which makes me chuckle every time I look at her.  The screw fell out on the one side of the lense a few months ago at the precise moment that MrG was rigging fishing poles in the living room.  This was indeed providential,  because no sooner than I shrieked my dilemma, MrG had my lense rigged right back up in viewing order, sans missing screw, with 12 lb. test line and very tight knots. 

Every time Veritas talks, the line wiggles.  (Note to self:  You're not that funny.  The wiggly fishing line is why everyone has been grinning at you.)

Just as I was about to post this, Willard came in and asked to "check his stuff" on the computer.  He was wearing nothing but a brown, Old Navy hoodie and a lime green towel knotted about his waist.  Did I mention the lime green towel?   I grabbed the camera and said, "Do me a favor, Willard?  Give me one fist pump in the air and yell THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

I tried to take a picture, but he declined.  And when I say he declined I mean he turned this way and that so that the lime green towel could not be seen in any meaningful manner, tried to take the camera away from me (not happening), then ran into his room, screaming like a girl.  I know, because I was chasing him with the camera.  Darn this grindingly slow shutter speed.  (Note to self:  Need new camera!)

That's all the fun for tonight.  My eye is twitching and feels itchy.

And a very, very merry viral pink eye to us all! 

 

Fun Times! 12.13.08

1)  I slept 'til 11 this morning.  I love sleeping in when it's chilly outside.

2)  Willard went to Six Flags with 4-9er Jake.  (Briefly, the 4-9 is a fictitious, joke "gang" Valentine and I dreamed up when she was taking training on gangs for her job.  At the time, Willard's three buddies lived around the corner on 9th, all on the same block, and I said we should henceforth refer to them as "the 9".  Val corrected with "the 4-9" and 4-9 they have been since that day forward.  They even created a website and admit honorary 4-9ers.  Since then, one of the 4-9 has moved, technically making them the 3-9 plus that kid who lives out by the Expo Center, but the 4-9 endures.)  And also, Six Flags is open in December?  Who knew? 

3)  Val, Vision, and I did a little shopping this afternoon for Val's birthday.  We didn't find anything Val liked, so we went with manicures and pedicures.  Vision got hers to match her cheer banquet dress for tomorrow and after she previewed the entire ensemble this evening I can state with certainty that she. looks. marvelous darling!
Val got the same thing, nails to toes, and I'm sure all her clients will be suitably in awe of her zebra stripe nails with silver glitter.  She could threaten to put someone's eye out with them or something. 

I got a simple manicure because I cannot abide the fake nails, but I did have an exciting moment.  The lady who did my nails took me over to the nail drying area, placed my hands under the dryer and turned it on.  We were not in unknown territory until she snaked her hand under my hair at my neck and started re-arranging it.  This was disturbing enough that my eyes went large and I glanced over at Vision at the pedicure station with alarm!  It was after a mere 6-10 seconds that I realized a neck massage was going to be included with the manicure, but it was a disturbing, what in heaven's name is she doing,  6-10 seconds.  Is this some sort of Larry "wide stance" Craig bathroom stall incident and I'm just too unenlightened to get it?  Thankfully, no.

4)  What is UP with that massage thing they do when they ball their fist up and enthusiastically smack you up and down the arm or leg depending on manicure or pedicure.  Is this considered relaxing in nail salon circles?  Gently massage the hand and arm, then gleefully counter with the smackfist to keep them guessing.  I may try this at home.  Want a massage, honey?  Thwack!   Thwack!   Thwack!   Thwack!   Thwack!   Thwack!   Thwack!  

You're welcome!  And hey, I feel MUCH better!

5)  Gran called to plan our Christmas.  I'm making the lasagna again this year because Gran bought me that massive lasagna pan several years ago and as the owner of the gigantic lasagna pan, it falls to me to fill it.  It would, of course, be cynical of me to point out that she bought the pan and gave it TO me for Christmas.   Upon reflection, it's an excellent idea because I can make a  mean lasagna, but I can't make a cake to save my life. 

Imagine the scene:

(Terrorists hold my family hostage and demand a cake to spare their lives.) 

MrG:  Mama, you got that 9mil in your boot or we're dead.  Val, you packin'?
Me:  All I've got is the "cake" and Mom on speed dial. 
Val:  I left it in the car with all Mom's jewelry.  Cake?  Our lives hang in the balance and all Mom has to do is make a cake?  We need a plan and we need it quick.  Anyone got a shotgun?  I have a knife in my backpack.
Viagra:  Duh!  They took it or I would save us all based on my amazing intellect and situational awareness.  Now we're left with Mom,  Mom, making a cake.  Mom, I saw something on Martha Stewart that might help.  Get them to untie me and we might live.  *looks at Val and MrG*  We ain't gonna make it if Mom actually makes this cake. 
Veronica:  Why couldn't it be my family?  I ask you?  Aunt Darlene could do this with her eyes closed. 
MrG, Val in unison:  Shut up, Veronica.
Viagra:  Aunt Darlene could do it with her eyes closed!  You shut up!
Willard:  No you shut up!
Viagra:  No you shut up!
Willard:  No you shut up!
::Viagra and Willard begin to wrestle on the floor::
Veronica:  Give me something that looks like a softball.  I can take someone's head off. 
Veritas:  Maybe I could flirt with the guards while Viagra and Mom make the "cake" in order to distract them.  Then we could jump them before it comes out of the oven.  Also, I have a knife in  my boot and I could attack like a spider monkey with PMS. 
Looks at Willard and Viagra wrestling on the floor:  If you two don't get up I'm gonna cut ya. 
Viagra:  No you shut up!
Willard:  No you shut up!
MrG:  Get 'em Willard.  Don't let him sit on you, boy. 
Vision:  Everyone has brought a knife and Martha Stewart tips to a gun fight.  Give me a spatula!  I can't make cake given my dismal training, but I can take out a few with a spatula.  Or I could if my shoulder didn't hurt.  Here, Willard, you take the spatula.  Mom loves you more anyway. *smacks him with spatula to no effect*
Veronica:  I might could pitch that!  Like a ninja throwing star.  Give it to me, Vision!
Me:  Viagra! Willard!  Get up and stop it!  MrG!!!!
MrG:  You boys quit.  *picks them both up and shakes them handily*  *all grin*
Veronica:  Vision, get off me.  Now is not the time for a hug.
Val:  Well give me a spatula.  Sheesh, Vision, not hugs now!  Hello?  I was talking to Veronica. 
Willard:  I don't like cake. Can I sit the bench for this one?  Or hey, I could yell,  "Gamet!" which sounds bad and hilarious in science class and then...?!?!  Also, I have chapstick!
Baby Kitty:  Meow!  Kitty loves cake. 
Me:  So I'm making this cake....*dials Mom, goes to voicemail*

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DEATH:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

  

Fun Times! 12.11.08

1)  I made Mexican casserole tonight.  It was yummy! 

2)  Val dropped by to see if maybe, perhaps, possibly she could pick up her birthday present a day early.  Nope!

3)  MrG is watching the Alan Jackson special on CMT.  When an artist like Jackson writes songs that continually communicate to a large audience the story of their lives, they become super stars like Jackson.   Music, after all, is about our story and the musicians who tell it well.  The one he sang tonight that always touches my heart and makes me tear up is Remember When:

Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows
and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet
was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give it up
Remember when

Remember when thirty seemed so old
Now lookn' back it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are,
Where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when

Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

4) On a lighter note, this song never fails to remind me of MrG.  As a joke, Val set this up as MrG's ring tone when I called him.  Probably because she remembered this conversation from early childhood:

Val:  Where ya goin' Daddy?

MrG:  (sitting in the living room watching TV)  Nowhere, honey.

Val:  Yeah, you are.  Mommy just put all your clothes in a suitcase and she's putting it in the truck right now!  Can I come?

Obviously, Brad Paisley communicates with millions of fans and is a big star.  The artist I most relate to, at least in this song, isn't communicating with as many folks.  Oh well.

Fun Times! 12.10.08 Edition

1)  It was very cold today and I realized, yet again, that all my sweaters are frumpy.  I say yet again because the last time it got a bit chilly I picked Vision up at school and she just blurted out, "That sweater is awful and it makes you look fat."

"Could you have, I don't know, mentioned this two years ago the first time I wore it? And hey, how was your day?"

She and the Kitty are still doing the "cheer face".  Vision said Kitty insisted:

2)  Veritas called to inform me at 7:15 a.m. that there was SNOW!! in College Station.  She was so happy with it that it brought a smile to my face.  I said, "Isn't your final today?"

"Yes, I'm driving there now!"

"You're driving in snow while talking on a cell phone?!?!  Are you crazy?"

What a silly question.  Note the last time it snowed here.  The kiddies built this on the front lawn to be observed by Sunday morning church goers all across town, some of whom actually called and said, "Did I just see what I think I saw in your front yard?:

3)  Vision forgot her lunch money, AGAIN, today.  Valentine called me to say that she was not taking Vision Taco Bell for lunch, but she was dropping off lunch money on her way to a meeting and it was the. last. time.  The Taco Bell train has left the station.  Whoa.  That's gonna leave a mark.  I think I mentioned a couple of days ago that Vision always calls Val first because she can be talked into the Taco Bell run.  You'd think a trained investigator would have picked up on this disturbing trend by now, right? 

4)  I picked up Willard after work and took him to Autumn's house (his girl friend)  to "help her study for geometry."  So that's what they're calling it these days.  As Vision informed me last night for the umpteenth time, Willard is a terrible geometry tutor.  He's prone to getting frustrated very early and announce loudly:  "It's so easy!  DUH!  Pay attention!"

That's certainly empowering, dontcha think?  I guess he has other redeeming qualities Autumn cherishes.  Perhaps 15 year-old boy jokes?  Okay, prolly not.  Autumn's Dad continues to entertain me.  Every time Willard is allowed over to gaze upon the beautious Autumn, Dad has the honey-do list out and Willard features large in checking off that list.  He works harder over there than he does at home.  I'm just kicking myself that I didn't think of it first and now I'm down to just one girl at home with a potential boyfriend.  Think of the work I could have gotten done around here!

5)  Willard just came in the back door from Autumn's.  He said, "It's so HOT in here!" and promptly took off his shirt.  (As long time readers of this blog will be aware, I'm a cold, cold woman and the heater is turned way, way up.)   Then, randomly, he started dancing around, snaked his belt out of his belt loops, and sang, "it's getting hot in here, I'm gonna take my clothes off" ...with a British accent.  This is all your fault, Veritas.  That Harry Potter business. 

That's all the fun for today, although just between you and me I did a bit of online Christmas shopping during my lunch hour and purchased an incredible selection of books for the kiddies.  To go with the coal and switches, of course.  My Mom actually started this family tradition, the giving of books at Christmas.  I've kept it up sometimes and sometimes let it slip.  No longer.  Now that the "little kids" are in public school, nothing could be more important, but I had a blast making my selections this year.  The fun thing is, as the kiddies get older, trying to find books that they will ALL want to read and trade them back and forth.  What better kind of fun than fighting over books?  Or, my favorite, we all gather 'round and read passages aloud together.  And laugh til our sides hurt, or "discuss" for an hour, but always filing it away in the ongoing lexicon of our shared family knowledge, humor, and memories.    

We do this quite frequently with internet stuff we've seen, to be sure, but books are forever.  I hope I please, entertain, and educate them with my selections this year.  If not, I'll beat 'em with 'em.  Win.  Win. 

Update:  It occurs to me, and I'm embarrassed to admit this, we completely forgot to read aloud, as a family, Dave Barry's Year in Review for 2007.  Shameful.  Simply Shameful.  We will need to rectify this before Christmas.

Fun Times! 12.9.08 Edition

1)  Willard had a basketball game tonight.  It was quite the question as to how it would go, given that their supastar point guard was moved up to junior varsity at the weekend.  I was very pleased to see all the boys on the team step it up a notch and make it happen out there on the court.  They all played a great game and won.  It was probably the Smarties the Baby Kitty Kat gave Willard as the team was warming up.  Nothing like the loving gift of a roll of Smarties to get the game changing juices flowing, I always say.

2)  And speaking of the Baby Kitty Kat, she informed her  mother and her Aunt Vision that, "Granny HATES Christmas!  She doesn't have a tree or any lights at her house."Hey!  I've been busy, but when I got home this evening my daughter-in-law, Veronica, had been over and rearranged the entire living room so that the Christmas tree could go up.  And by re-arrange, I mean there was a gaping hole in the living room where the Christmas tree belongs.  A blinking sign proclaiming "Christmas tree goes here!"  would have been as subtle, but not nearly as hilarious.  I love that girl.

3)  I received my end of the year review and Christmas bonus at work today.  Based on this, I believe I can claim with reasonable certainty that I am well and truly loved at work.  I LOVE Christmas and as soon as I purchase all the coal and switches necessary to fill the kiddies stockings, a paltry sum,  I plan to have a fabulous holiday.

4)    The amount of racism in this country, given all of our much touted cultural diversity, continues to trouble me and by trouble I mean laugh out loud at the audacity of the notion that white people are supposedly the only racists.  The Baby Kitty Kat is 3, yet she's been subjected to racial taunts even at her tender age.  The first incident was a group of Asian children who explained among themselves while pointing at Kitty, "Don't play with the white girl."    Their parents were fine with that and nodding along.  More recently, she played happily with a group of black kids, at least until she was summarily ordered off the island, "You need to go sit down, whitey!" My sympathy, such as it was, died on the spot.

5)  Vision's cheer banquet dress arrived in the mail.  It's WAY cute.  Her accessories are even cuter.  She's gonna knock 'em dead at the party.  I said, "You're going to look great!" and she said, "I know!"  Here at the guillotine we never suffer from false modesty.  We do, however, suffer from modesty we should have embraced, but neglected to do so while we were telling each other how smart and wonderful we are.  Don't fret.  I gave a talk on that as well this evening.  Ironically, it also involved the surname of Jordan.

6)  It's funny, but Viagra can square away Willard's shot by saying, "Stop being an idiot!"  For at least 5 shots.  Then....

That is all the fun I have for today.  More fun tomorrow or I'll know the reason why!

In the Interest of Not Neglecting Veritas

Veritas heartily concurs that I should blog while she's away at college, because I blogged when Valentine was away at college and now Veritas is missing all the great fun we are having without her.  And presumably Valentine didn't miss all the great fun we were having because I wrote about it and although she actually wasn't here, hearing about it made her feel close to the family.  Worth a wee mention, of course, is that Veritas didn't really feel as if we were having all that much fun when she was acutally here, involved in this great fun, but now that she's away, it's suddenly become the greatest of fun.  Absence makes the fun grown stronger!

Just so Veritas is not left out of this fun day:

1)  Vision forgot her lunch  money.  She texted me to alert me of this fact, probably because she couldn't get  Val to respond and bring her Taco Bell.  MrG took Vision lunch money and the world was again safe for democracy and the American way.  Or transfat.  Or all three.

2)  Willard spent all his lunch money on tater tots, a clear victory for free markets.  I expect Paulson and Bernanke to show up in the lunch room tomorrow and try to bail out the salad line.  You aren't keeping up with your politics at college, are you Veritas?  Do you even understand what I meant by that last line?  I see this blogging is going to involve dragging you toward your intellectual obligations, just like the great fun you had when you lived at home and wanted to move out and get your own apartment!  Fun Times!

3)  Viagra and Veronica are due with the new baby on June 24th.  This isn't new for today, I just got the memo. 

4)  Gran called from Aunt Henny's house.  She's making chicken and dumplins and had a broth to milk ratio question.   As long as we don't tell Val I'm blogging again, I won't have to make chicken and dumplins this week.  Otherwise...

5)  Baby K story, in which Baby Kitty explains to her parents what people say when they are "mad" at her, and by "mad" I think we mean acting like a terror:

Vision:  I'm going to spank you.

Granny:  I'm going to take you home.

Pappy:  I'm going to put you in the fish tank.  (What!?!? The live well on the boat?  No clue.)

Willard:  BBBWAAAAHHHHH!!!!!  (Willard makes noises.  He doesn't say anything.)

Veritas and Val:  They are never mad at me!!

Come home for Christmas, Veritas.  You can babysit the Kitty.  *wink*

High V

Vision has been helping Baby K with her cheer moves and the practice for this week is the High V.  (No idea what it means, sorry.)  What it involves is being raised skyward while balancing on Vision's palms.   The Baby Kitty is totally nailing this move as can be seen here:

Although there are moments of set back, which I'm sure Vision is not so fond of:

I'm not saying she's the smartest, prettiest, most well coordinated 3 year-old in the nation, but then again, I'm not saying she isn't either.  Notice the band-aid on the right thumb following a tragic pom-pom cut, which I'm told is like a paper cut, but WAY worse.  Cheer isn't for sissies, or at least for those whose old, old Granny doesn't have a generous supply of band-aids. 

And speaking of not for sissies, Willard spent the night with his buddy Saturday night.  Everything was going well until they went out for pizza and friend's Mom, assuming everyone was safely in the vehicle, backed over Willard's foot.  When Willard shouted, and one assumes a high V was involved, it would entail something above a high C certainly,  she stopped.  Right on top of Willard's foot.  I'm not sure how Willard talked her down and off his foot, she was upset when she called me.  As soon as I found out he'd already said he was fine, and she was just worried that Willard would never be allowed back at their house, I really felt sorry for her.  These things could happen to anyone, but in this day and age I cannot imagine having to call someone's parents and relate that story.  As I told her, "We aren't insane, crazy people who get all up in arms about accidents and sue.  If he's fine, don't worry about it!"

I said that last part because she was volunteering to take him to the emergency room "just in case."  What a nightmare evening that would have been.  I didn't even go to the emergency room when I broke my kneecap in half.  Who wants to sit through that unless life support is necessary?

He was clearly fine, because as soon as she handed him the phone he squealed, "Come get me Mommy!  Mrs. Friend's Mom is trying to kill me with her car!!"

I hope she smacked him, twice.  Willard informs me today that he thinks his friend's family believes we are weird.  Well, yeah, but it's just that they don't have our sick sense of humor.