live from the guillotine

---

Discontent Americans take advice from Merle Haggard:

For all they share economically and culturally, Canada and the United States are increasingly at odds on basic social policies - to the point that at least a few discontented Americans are planning to move north and try their neighbors' way of life.

A few of the reasons:

"For me, it's a no-brainer," said Mollie Ingebrand, a puppeteer from Minneapolis who plans to go to Vancouver with her lawyer husband and 2-year-old son.

New York executive Daniel Hanley, 31, was arranging a move for himself and his partner, Tony, long before the Canadian announcement about same-sex marriage. But the timing delights him; he and Tony now hope to marry in front of their families after they emigrate to British Columbia.

Thomas Hodges, a computer systems major at Georgia State University, said his dismay with American politics started him thinking last year about going abroad. He recently wrote an article in a campus journal titled, "Why I Am Moving To Canada."

"I'm thinking about Toronto, though I hear it's cold up there," Hodges, a lifelong Southerner, said in a telephone interview.

TTFN. Ta-Ta For Now! Enjoy the healthcare system.

Three Days to Vacation!

---

My sister-in-law and I are headed to Colorado Springs, CO next Wednesday to spend a relaxing week in the mountains and visit family. Mr. Guillotine, Valentine, and Viagra all have to work, so it'll just be me and the three youngest kiddos. The most challenging part of the trip will be the 8 hour car ride to North-West Texas on Tuesday.

The first hour usually rolls by pleasantly because they are all asleep.

The second hour will probably pass peacefully since they will be inhaling breakfast, but since we're on vacation, they will ask for a Dr. Pepper at 9 am and since we're on vacation I will give it to them. It will be a huge mistake.

In the third hour everyone will begin to hit their sugar high, voices will creep up a few decibels, and they will also need to go to the bathroom, but none at the same time. After the third pit stop, all will want a Dr. Pepper.

By hour four, which child gets which bag of chips for lunch will be hotly contested, and when the dust settles, all three will open their bag of now crushed chips and the war will be on. They will then bang each other over the head with boxes of fruit roll-ups yelling, "MOM SAID SHARE STUPID!!", displaying a mouthful of partially masticated chip goo, and ask for another Dr. Pepper.

Somewhere during the fifth hour, their relationships will deteriorate to the equivalent of wildcats tied in a sack. Sinking to the maturity level of the Texas House debating re-districting, I will debate swinging by Ardmore, OK and dumping them at the Holiday Inn. Since I'm unfortunately tied in the sack with the wildcats, I'll give them another Dr. Pepper so they will just shut up.

By the sixth harrowing hour, I will begin to fume at the injustice of the my situation. Thirty years ago I could have pulled the car over, snatched them all out of the back seat, blistered their fannies, and peace would be among us. Parents driving by would probably give me two thumbs up. These days some good Samaritan with a cell phone would report me to Child Protective Services and I would spend my vacation in jail. I'll spend the remainder of the hour picking cheese doodles out of my hair and trying to convince myself, unsuccessfully, that a week in jail would be worse than this car trip. Three potty stops later everyone will want a Dr. Pepper.

Hour seven rolls around and I will plot the logistics of discreetly taking off my flip-flop and swatting a few fannies while roaring down the road at 75 MPH. As an angrily thrown coloring book whizzes by my head I will begin to berate myself for not having my tubes tied after Viagra was born. Just think of all that Dr. Pepper money I could have saved. It would have at least paid for my psychiatric care. Now I'll just have to continue life, and this unending car ride, as a raving lunatic.

When the clock strikes the eighth hour, I'll be dialing information for the number of the closest CPS office so that I can voluntarily turn myself in. I'll ask the kids to have a Dr. Pepper so that I can hear myself talk on the phone. Thankfully we'll pull into Robin's driveway just before I hit send and I will promise myself I will never, ever do this again. Next year I will agree to go bass fishing with Mr. Guillotine in South America on the Rio Negro. Contracting malaria or being kidnapped by guerilla freedom-fighters sounds more relaxing and enjoyable than this car trip. At least the freedom-fighters won't keep asking for Dr. Pepper.

Note to Robin: Have the beer on ice when I pull in the driveway. Better still, stand on the curb with one in your hand.

The Real Zero Tolerance

Talk about cracking down!

The Muslim leadership in Muheza district has called upon the Government to adopt Islamic (Sharia) Law which provides for the stoning to death of adulterers. This is in an effort to clamp down on sexual intercourse as one way of containing the HIV/AIDS spread in the country.

That is quite an incentive to be faithful to one's spouse. Next time a man cheats on his wife, she can just say "you better never let me catch you again, or I'll inform the government!"

---

Here is a look at life 100 years ago, in 1903.

The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven. Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents,
California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.

Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were
condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.

The five leading causes of death in the US were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.

There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

One in ten US adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Coca Cola contained cocaine.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."

Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time
servant or domestic.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.

That's mind-boggling! Just think about the technilogical, scientific, and practical advances the next hundred years will bring.

---

In the long line of things I haven't posted, but I loved, here is an old article by Victor Davis Hanson and this is one of the best quotes:

But the lethality of the military is not just organizational or a dividend of high-technology. Moral and group cohesion explain more still. The general critique of the 1990s was that we had raised a generation with peroxide hair and tongue rings, general illiterates who lounged at malls, occasionally muttering "like" and "you know" in Sean Penn or Valley Girl cadences. But somehow the military has married the familiarity and dynamism of crass popular culture to 19th-century notions of heroism, self-sacrifice, patriotism, and audacity.

The result is that the energy of our soldiers arises from the ranks rather than is imposed from above. What, after all, is the world to make of Marines shooting their way into Baathist houses with Ray-Bans, or shaggy special forces who look like they are strolling in Greenwich Village with M-16s, or tankers with music blaring and logos like "Bad Moon Rising?" The troops look sometimes like cynical American teenagers but they fight and die like Leathernecks on Okinawa. The Arab street may put on shows of goose-stepping suicide bombers, noisy pajama-clad killers, and shrill, masked assassins, but in real battle against gum-chewing American adolescents with sunglasses these street toughs prove to be little more than toy soldiers.

So let's find a way to stop screwing up their morale, yesterday!

---

Sorry I missed this Ralph Peter's column:

Perhaps the greatest failing of the intellectual elite and those elements of the media that pander to it is that they consistently underestimate the American people, imagining that the "common" man or woman might be led by the piques and whims of those who never had to sweat for a living and never will.

College professors, journalists or party operatives who assume that the American people are not smart enough to see into the heart of great matters without the guidance of their betters will always be frustrated by the ultimate common sense, moral force and courage of their fellow Americans.

The elite regard the masses as politically incompetent, yet the people consistently have been right when the intellectuals were wrong.

Americans grasp, intuitively and viscerally, that the War Against Terror, of which our campaigns in Afghanistan and Iraq were vital phases, is as justified as it is essential. It is the elite, imprisoned still in their Clintonian fairy-tale worldview, who refuse to see that the United States remains in mortal danger from enemies who cannot be appeased, persuaded or deflected.

Don't miss the first of the column. Well worth the price of admission.

---

Heros

This excellent video saluting all of our fighting men and women is a must see if you've got a box of kleenex handy.

Mr. Guillotine's best friend had an uncle who fought in WWII. That amazing soldier stormed the beaches at Normandy, liberated France, invaded Berlin, and was put on a ship. All the men thought they were going home. Instead, they headed to the Panama Canal and crossed into the Pacific Ocean. And landed on the beaches in Japan. He came home and told at least two little boys what I'm sure was a highly edited version of his exploits. We need to appreciate our soldiers everyday and say a prayer for them as well. They are protecting us all and doing a damn fine job.

---

Donald Sensing over at One Hand Clapping has several interesting observations and links on sinking troop morale and who ought to fix the problems. I wish I knew more about serving in the military. I'd love to have someone's take, possibly someone who graduated from West Point even, about this situation.

You know who you are. Pull up your socks!

---

I broke my index fingernail off into the quick this morning and it hurts so badly to type that I've been much more discerning about what I include today. The method I've used: This is so good I feel like sharing it and crying right now! Obviously, not much passed the whine factor. Yes, you may pass the cheese. Thank you sir, may I have another?

My poor, beleaguered finger was also called upon to figure and write payroll checks as this is Friday. For someone who learned 10-Key by touch 20 years ago, 10-Key by pen lid is a long and frustrating process.

In the You Learn Something New Every Day category, however, I've got a hot tip for kindegarten and 1st grade teachers. Yes, it is important that we hold the pen just the right way. After rigorously testing other methods while writing paychecks I want to share some indisputable data. If you scoot the pen down to rest on your ring finger, you not only get the screaming cramp all the way up the under-side of your arm which is normal for taking notes, you also get a screaming cramp all the way up the tendons in the top of your hand extending to your elbow.

So keep insisting that all those little kiddies hold their pens the right way. No point in them having twice the torture in high school and college and blaming it on you!

---

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN RAISING CHILDREN!

1.You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

I know you've all probably read that, but it's good to remind yourself each day!